For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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