i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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