her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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