i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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