i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
