I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So squirting runs in the family.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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