I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
