perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
