So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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