Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
farters have to be the big spoon...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
