He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
ttyl tear gas
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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