so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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