He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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