That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
