i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
