Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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