Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
