i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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