I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
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i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize