oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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