I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
