After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
