idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
