Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize