I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
