im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
