One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
