I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
