just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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