Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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