I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
