Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
