In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
