I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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