Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
