Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
