I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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