New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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