9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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