And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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