I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
