I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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