I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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