Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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