You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
