i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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