Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
