The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
COCAINE IS GR8
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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