Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
