Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
