I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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