Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
