Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
