I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
