Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
