3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
