Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
