I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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