Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
