Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
