did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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