i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
