I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
