Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
