The maid of honor just puked.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
