I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
