I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
